tu chalu rakh
Ek larki ne coin dal kar apna wajan kiya-58kg. sandal utari-56kg. jacket utari-53kg. fir dupata-52kg. or coin khatam. ek bhikhari bola "tu chalu rakh sikke mai dalunga."
Bra Size
A man goes to garment shop and ask a sales girl
I want to buy a bra for my wife but I forget the size
sales girl: dont worry sir hold my breast and understand whats your wife size
man: OHH, I forget to tell, I also want a Panty
I want to buy a bra for my wife but I forget the size
sales girl: dont worry sir hold my breast and understand whats your wife size
man: OHH, I forget to tell, I also want a Panty
Secret of success
A young man asked Socrates the secret of Success. Socrates told the young
man to meet him near the river the next morning. They met.
Socrates asked the young man to walk with him towards the river.
When the water got up to their neck, Socrates took the young man by surprise
and ducked him into the water. The man struggled to get out but Socrates was
strong and kept him there until he started turning blue.
1000 english Proverbs & Sayings
01. A bad beginning makes a bad ending.
02. A bad corn promise is better than a good lawsuit.
03. A bad workman quarrels with his tools.
04. A bargain is a bargain.
05. A beggar can never be bankrupt.
06. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
07. A bird may be known by its song.
08. A black hen lays a white egg.
09. A blind leader of the blind.
10. A blind man would be glad to see.
02. A bad corn promise is better than a good lawsuit.
03. A bad workman quarrels with his tools.
04. A bargain is a bargain.
05. A beggar can never be bankrupt.
06. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
07. A bird may be known by its song.
08. A black hen lays a white egg.
09. A blind leader of the blind.
10. A blind man would be glad to see.
what I just saw, my school days are over
I young female teacher was giving an assignment to her sixth grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard.
Suddenly, there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Sarkaar?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your thighs."
"Get out of my classroom," she yelled, "I don't want to see you for three days."
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reached to the very top of the chalkboard.
Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student.
She quickly turns and asked, "What's so funny Munna bhai?"
"Well miss, I just saw both of your thighs."
Again she yelled, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe. I don't want to see you for three weeks."
Embarrassed and frustrated, she dropped the eraser when she turned around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there was an enormous burst of laughter from another male student.
She quickly turned to see Iboyin leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you are going, Iboyin?" she asks.
"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"
Suddenly, there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Sarkaar?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your thighs."
"Get out of my classroom," she yelled, "I don't want to see you for three days."
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reached to the very top of the chalkboard.
Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student.
She quickly turns and asked, "What's so funny Munna bhai?"
"Well miss, I just saw both of your thighs."
Again she yelled, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe. I don't want to see you for three weeks."
Embarrassed and frustrated, she dropped the eraser when she turned around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there was an enormous burst of laughter from another male student.
She quickly turned to see Iboyin leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you are going, Iboyin?" she asks.
"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"
How to Make Love
How To Make Love
o)
Ingredients:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana
2 Nuts
o)
Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
o)
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl,
working in and out until well creamed.
For best results, continue to knead milk containers.
;o)
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl
and cover with nuts,
leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft.
o)
If banana does not soften, repeat 4 steps 3-5
or change mixing bowls.
Notes:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen,
wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.
o)
Ingredients:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana
2 Nuts
o)
Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
o)
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl,
working in and out until well creamed.
For best results, continue to knead milk containers.
;o)
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl
and cover with nuts,
leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft.
o)
If banana does not soften, repeat 4 steps 3-5
or change mixing bowls.
Notes:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen,
wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.
केस हार जावेगी
१० साल का लड़का रेप केस में पकड़ा गया
कोर्ट में लेड़ी वकील उसका छोटा सा लंड पकड़ के बोली
जज साहब क्या इससे रेप होगा ?
लड़का : जयादा मत हिला केस हार जावेगी
कोर्ट में लेड़ी वकील उसका छोटा सा लंड पकड़ के बोली
जज साहब क्या इससे रेप होगा ?
लड़का : जयादा मत हिला केस हार जावेगी
आप तो बिलकुल
मैडम : बच्चो में जब सखत होती हूँ तो बहुत सखत होती हूँ
जब नरम होती हूँ तो बहुत ही नरम
एक छोटा बच्चा : मैडम आप तो बिलकुल मेरी लूली जेसी हो
जब नरम होती हूँ तो बहुत ही नरम
एक छोटा बच्चा : मैडम आप तो बिलकुल मेरी लूली जेसी हो
बड़ा कर दुगा
एक लड़की डॉक्टर के पास गयी और बोली डॉक्टर साहब मेरे बूब बहुत छोटे है
इनहे बड़ा करना है कुछ करो
डॉक्टर : रोज आना पड़ेगा चूस चूस के बड़ा कर दुगा इस बात से बिलकुल मत डरो
लड़की : हसबंड भी साथ आये है उनकी लूली भी बहुत छोटी है
बूब बाद में देखना पहले लूली बड़ी करो
इनहे बड़ा करना है कुछ करो
डॉक्टर : रोज आना पड़ेगा चूस चूस के बड़ा कर दुगा इस बात से बिलकुल मत डरो
लड़की : हसबंड भी साथ आये है उनकी लूली भी बहुत छोटी है
बूब बाद में देखना पहले लूली बड़ी करो
मेरी दी हुई साडी पहनी क्या ?
शादी के बाद दुलहन को उसकी सहेली ने फोन करके पूछा
मेरी दी हुई साडी पहनी क्या ?
दुलहन : एक हफ्ते से कच्छी तो पहनने नहीं दे रहा, साडी क्या खाक पहनू ?
मेरी दी हुई साडी पहनी क्या ?
दुलहन : एक हफ्ते से कच्छी तो पहनने नहीं दे रहा, साडी क्या खाक पहनू ?
क्या चीज मुह में नहीं लेनी चाहिए
टीचर : क्या चीज मुह में नहीं लेनी चाहिए
स्टूडेंट : जलता हुआ बल्ब
टीचर : क्यों ?
स्टूडेंट : कल रात मम्मी बोल रही थी बल्ब बुझाओ तो मुह में लुगी
स्टूडेंट : जलता हुआ बल्ब
टीचर : क्यों ?
स्टूडेंट : कल रात मम्मी बोल रही थी बल्ब बुझाओ तो मुह में लुगी
सुहाग रात
सुहाग रात में हकले ने कहा आ आ ओ ना चू चू चू
बीवी चडी उतार के : अब चूम ले चूस ले चोद ले
पर चू चू ना कर
बीवी चडी उतार के : अब चूम ले चूस ले चोद ले
पर चू चू ना कर
में एडवरटाइजमैंनट करुगा
चाची भतीजे से : हम चाट की दुकान खोलेगे
लेकीन ग्राहक कैसे आयेगे
भतीजा चाची से : में एडवरटाइजमैंनट करुगा
१० रुपये में चाची की चाट लो
लेकीन ग्राहक कैसे आयेगे
भतीजा चाची से : में एडवरटाइजमैंनट करुगा
१० रुपये में चाची की चाट लो
सूरज में आग है
कभी तो ली होगी सूरज ने चाँद की
तभी तो चाँद में दाग है
मुमकिन है चाँद ने दुबारा नहीं दी होगी
तभी तो सूरज में आग है
तभी तो चाँद में दाग है
मुमकिन है चाँद ने दुबारा नहीं दी होगी
तभी तो सूरज में आग है
घोर कलयुग
एक लड़की पेसाब टेस्ट कराने जाती है
डॉक्टर की गलती से उसकी रिपोर्ट प्रग्नेंट लेड़ी की रिपोर्ट से बदल जाती है
डॉक्टर कहती है तुम प्रग्नेंट हो
लड़की कहती है हे भगवान घोर कलयुग है अब तो उंगली का भी भरोसा नही रहा
डॉक्टर की गलती से उसकी रिपोर्ट प्रग्नेंट लेड़ी की रिपोर्ट से बदल जाती है
डॉक्टर कहती है तुम प्रग्नेंट हो
लड़की कहती है हे भगवान घोर कलयुग है अब तो उंगली का भी भरोसा नही रहा
वक्त नहीं है रोने
ये वक्त नहीं है रोने का
ये वक्त है बच्चा होने का
उस वक्त कयू नहीं रोई थी
जब चिपक के मुझ से सोई थी
अब जो किया है वो भरो
तब तो करती थी और करो और करो
ये वक्त है बच्चा होने का
उस वक्त कयू नहीं रोई थी
जब चिपक के मुझ से सोई थी
अब जो किया है वो भरो
तब तो करती थी और करो और करो
गहराई पे नाज़
औरत को अपनी चुत की गहराई पे नाज़ है
तो हमें भी अपने लंड की लम्बाई पे फक्कर है
अगर उसकी चुत शबनम का शबाब है
तो हमारा लंड भी लखनऊ का नबाब है
तो हमें भी अपने लंड की लम्बाई पे फक्कर है
अगर उसकी चुत शबनम का शबाब है
तो हमारा लंड भी लखनऊ का नबाब है
Night ws dark
Night ws dark
Moon ws high
Boy stopped bike
Girl asked Y?
he came close
she felt shy & he said
dhakka mar heroin Petrol khatam ho gaya
Moon ws high
Boy stopped bike
Girl asked Y?
he came close
she felt shy & he said
dhakka mar heroin Petrol khatam ho gaya
Six Ladkiya aayegi
Pandit: Tumhare jeevan me 6 ladkiya aayegi.
Boy:Wow kya baat hai.
Pandit: Zyaada khush hone ki bat ni hai "1 patni aur 5 betiyan hai"
Boy:Wow kya baat hai.
Pandit: Zyaada khush hone ki bat ni hai "1 patni aur 5 betiyan hai"
Chand
LALU: "E rabri tum to hamaar chand ho" RABRI:"Na ji hamka ye chand-vand mat kaha karo, ye sasure AMERICA wale roz chand pe chadte utarte rahte hai.
Warranty Expired
Angry Husband sent SMS to father-in-law..
"YOUR PRODUCT NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS"
Smart Father-in-law:
"WARRANTY EXPIRED, MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE!"
"YOUR PRODUCT NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS"
Smart Father-in-law:
"WARRANTY EXPIRED, MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE!"
Shesh Naag Godh
Hubby wife ki godh mein leta hua tha. wife: kaisa lag raha hai ji. Hubby: aise jaise bhagwann vishnu shesh naag ki godh me lete hoon
Sone ka kya rate hai
Jewellery shop mein santa ki zabardast pitaayi ho gai. Y?
Santa ne sales-girls se kaha: apki ek ek item gazab ki he, sone ka kya rate hai
Santa ne sales-girls se kaha: apki ek ek item gazab ki he, sone ka kya rate hai
Shatabdi Express
wife: zaldi me ho kya shatabdi kyo chala rahe ho malgadi chalao, itne me bachcha bed par se gira aur bola ke behanchodo kuchh bhi chalao par passanger ko to mat girao
Deep Thought
A mother makes her son "intelligent" in 20 year by her LOVE, but a girl makes him "fool" in 20 mins by using the word LOVE
Bachay Kahan se download kiye hai
Wife 2 husb: Tumhain pyaar karna hi aata?
Husb: to kya ye 3 bachay Internet se download kiye ha?
Wife: Nahi ye to tiwari ji ki pen drive se liye hai...
Husb: to kya ye 3 bachay Internet se download kiye ha?
Wife: Nahi ye to tiwari ji ki pen drive se liye hai...
Baapu kyo haste hai
Munna:Baapu har note me haste kyo rehte hai? Dollar k note pe toh lincoin nahi hasta
Circuit:Simple bhai america ki aurtein apne blouse mein paise nahi rakhti
Circuit:Simple bhai america ki aurtein apne blouse mein paise nahi rakhti
Want to see future
Girl 2 Swami: can I see d future
Swami:Yes u can kapde utaro aur godi ban jao
Girl:I feel u want 2 fuck me
Swami: dekha future dikhne laga na
Swami:Yes u can kapde utaro aur godi ban jao
Girl:I feel u want 2 fuck me
Swami: dekha future dikhne laga na
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